Beltain

Minnie

2006-05-25T13:04:00.000-05:00

Minnie the Mermaid. A song of questionable respectability sung to me in my childhood by my sailor parents. Both parents spent years in the Navy. And, yet, I wonder at my odd ways.

"Many a night spent with Minnie the mermaid down at the bottom of the sea. Minnie lost her morals down among the corals, oh, what a gal was she..." ( it just gets worse)

So, I had decided that I must have a little companion dog. After the hysterectomy my, normally silent, biological clock stared ticking. My brain and aching body knew we didn't want a baby. So, I decided on a dog. And the search began.

Day after day I searched the news paper. No small puppies. And my big dog had just died and I couldn't go there right now. I told all my friends. Then I did the internet search. And there she was. A matted little black dog named Minnie in a town about 75 miles away. She was to become my baby.

I've had her now almost a month. She has been groomed and more spoiled than is imaginable. He calls her baby. He has always called little dogs footballs. He wanted her to sleep in the crate. She sleeps between us. She greets him with such joy and is so calm and dainty that he has fallen in love with her. She is our little clown. The cats beat her up, or ignore her. She follows my every step and is very protective of me.

She had been found on the street. She had to be covered with a blanket to go outside to keep her from biting them. Hard to imagine that little friendly creature being that frightened and alone. She is totally house trained and loves people food. Her only fault is her begging. And she is getting progressively better about that.

I got her a pink rhinestone collar. I tried to paint her toenails and put ribbons in her hair. She didn't agree with me on those items. She won. It's her body, she can win on that. Today I gave her the first home bath. Not great, but I won that one. I love her and she answered my baby needs.

2006-05-02T04:46:00.001-05:00

You Are Mint Chocolate Chip Ice Cream

Creative. Expressive. Unique.

What Flavor Ice Cream Are You?

Fibromyalgia=Hell

2006-03-30T22:28:00.000-06:00

My fibromyalgia is acting up. Pain lets me know that I'm alive. I guess. My wrist hurts, my arms hurt, my shoulders hurt, my back hurts, my brain is foggy, my leg hurts, my soul hurts. I want to be active again. I want to feel twenty again. I do not, however, want to be twenty again. That was it's own kind of hell. I want to feel sexy again. I want to not have scars all over my abdomen again. Okay, so the surgeries have made my life better and even saved my life. That's great. My stomach still looks like a battle ground. One scar from my breast bone to my pelvic bone from the colonectomy and colostomy reversal, one scar on my right side from the colostomy, one scar in my bikini area from the tubal ligation and hysterectomy. I look like a mother cat with six teats ready to nurse.

My depression is raising it's ugly head. I've tried not to write about that here. But, this about my life and depression is a part of my life. So is anxiety. I feel overwhelmed and overthrown sometimes. And I can make up all kinds of things that would cure both, but the fact is I have a chemical imbalance that makes me feel so sad and scared. I still wish for more money, a better house, a better body, a better car, and, well, you know, things you wish for when you're depressed.

My cats, my husband, my family, and my friends make me happy. Art makes me happy.

2006-03-21T23:41:00.000-06:00

You Should Be a Joke Writer

You're totally hilarious, and you can find the humor in any situation.

Whether you're spouting off zingers, comebacks, or jokes about life...

You usually can keep a crowd laughing, and you have plenty of material.

You have the makings of a great comedian - or comedic writer.

What Type of Writer Should You Be?

2006-03-14T11:21:00.000-06:00

You Are Emerald Green

Deep and mysterious, it often seems like no one truly gets you.

Inside, you are very emotional and moody - though you don't let it show.

People usually have a strong reaction to you... profound love or deep hate.

But you can even get those who hate you to come around. There's something naturally harmonious about you.

What Color Green Are You?

Beignets!

2006-03-13T15:08:00.000-06:00

Beignets are the wonderful little doughnuts they serve in New Orleans with chicory cafe au lait. Yum! Delicious little fried squares of yeast dough sprinkled with tons of powdered sugar. I love to sit on the patio of Cafe Du Monde in New Orleans and watch the world go by. The birds steal the left oversaw from the empty tables. So do the kids:) The music plays all over the quarter and people are everywhere.
Well, for Mardi Gras this year I found a great recipe for beignets and decided to share. It's easier with a bread machine.

1 cup warm milk(100 or 105 degrees)
1 pkg dry yeast
1/4 cup sugar
2 medium eggs
1/4 cup melted butter
1 teaspoon salt
3 cups all purpose flour
Powdered sugar

dump all except powdered sugar into machine press dough button when it beeps at you roll out into 12 inch square and cut into 4 equal strips. Cut each strip into 6 equal squares.

Fry in deep hot (350 degrees) oil (I use peanut oil in a cast iron skillet of course.) until golden brown. Flip. This all happens really fast. Roll immediately in the powdered sugar. Eat.

I never said that this was a healthy recipe. But, sometimes, that which is good for the soul is not for the body. Eat healthy the rest of the week.

Old Love

2006-02-20T03:13:00.000-06:00

DB. How many nights have I sat and cried over that man? How many nights have I stayed up too late talking to him? He was my first grown up love. I use the word grown up very cautiously. I was a blithering idiot and he was patient. I was 19 and he was 35. He had been one of my older brother's high school buddies and if anyone had treated me the way I treated him I would have filed stalking charges on them. I know he reads this and I hope I don't make him feel too strange. His very existence made my world turn. I couldn't think about anything else. He helped me become some one I'm proud to be. He helped me find me. I was such a drama queen when I first met him. I just want to hide my head when I think of it.

He was my guru. Don't think he had any aspirations to be anyone's guru. Poor man. He is still one of the most talented theatre techs I have ever worked with. And there have been a whole lot of theatre techs in my life. I was sooooo bad at theatre and his inspiration helped me excel in that field. I became sought after in a world that it is hard to make it in. After I moved away from him, many times I would be baffled about what to do next and I would try what I thought he would do and it would almost always work and my reputation became very good in theatre. I became very good at doing theatre.

In my life, his example has seen me through many hard times. He was in Vietnam and his warrior spirit and strength gave me courage to muddle through some of the hardest things I have dealt with. Like having to let another man I loved die of AIDS. My father, my husband and DB have taught me of courage. My wars have been on the home front and theirs were on foreign soil. Mine have been so much easier than theirs, but, my pride of having them in my life has allowed me to see that the impossible is possible if you just do it.

He believes much the same way I do. His acceptance in my beliefs has given me the confidence to go on and teach others a different path that seems to fit many people better than old school Christian beliefs. He has lead me to feel like maybe I taught him too sometimes.

He is different than family. More than just a friend. More than just an old lover. More than just a teacher. The depth of feeling I still have for him amazes me. I love my husband and am exactly where I want to be. He loves his wife and son and is exactly where he wants to be. But, when I get to sit, talk with him, and drink coffee with him, I touch a part of me that no one else can get to. I'm so lucky that my husband is totally comfortable with that. You see, he loves me and who I am now. And he is fully aware that DB has been a huge part of me becoming that. When DB comes around I renew that part of me. And Brett loves that. Now, how cool is that? I love to see them talk about their time in the military and war. I like that they enjoy each others company. I feel so lucky to have chosen such wonderful men to love in my life. I have great taste.

When I close my eyes I can still feel DB psychically. I would go to the ends of the earth to help him. I would never trade the impact he has had on who I am. I still love him deeply. I'm not in love with him anymore. But, I still love having him in my life. And all the tears and sleepless nights finding me through wanting him has been so worth every tear I shed to become me. The fire I went through because of him has tempered me and made me a stronger person.

My Earliest Memory

2006-02-19T18:45:00.000-06:00

Well, the flu hit our house with a vengeance. I could barely think, much less write or even check my e-mail. I had fever, chills, coughing, and lost my voice. I watched t.v. and had no idea what I had seen. Yulk!

Oddly enough my first memory keeps at me. It was before I could walk. (I walked at nine months) I was sitting on a blanket on the floor in our living room. Our peep hole looked like a old timey speak easy window with green glass that shined green light on the floor in the early afternoon. I always loved that green light. Anyway I was playing with the green light and my mother walked over, picked me up with a beautiful smile, carried me into the bedroom, gave me either an orange bottle or orange juice in my bottle, put me into the crib and walked out. I remember feeling curious since I wasn't sleepy. But, I laid back, drank my bottle and played with these plastic bells they had strung across my crib. They were blue, purple, red, orange, and yellow. They didn't make any sound. Then my bottle was empty and I let my mother know. She came in, smiled that beautiful smile again, picked me up, carried me back to the blanket and went on with her chores. The green light was gone. She handed me another bottle. I remember wondering why she had done any of it. No anger, just futility. And that is the way I have always felt about my mother. Why did she do the things she did? They seldomed made any sense to me. That ultimately ended our relationship. She never did make any sense. How hard would it be to raise someone that totally didn't get you? I always questioned her actions. And eventually, she quite smiling at me and became angry at me.

The other thing that stands out to me about that memory is the love of color at that age. I still love bright colors and have boring colors. Subtle is not of any interest to me.

My Reiki History

2006-02-06T10:05:00.000-06:00

I started my Reiki training in January of 1997. I was working in a new age gift store in Amarillo, Texas and all of my friends were learning and teaching Reiki. My friend, Cody, was driving me to work on a snowy, icy day, when he commented he'd like to learn Reiki. At the time my spiritual plate was full. I was doing psychic readings at home, tutoring people in wicca practices, and learning several new things my self, in addition to working at the store. So, I replied that if Reiki wanted me it would have to come and get me! Be careful about challenging the powers that be.

That afternoon, my friend, Melanie, came into the store and said that Joyce, another friend of ours who is a Reiki master, was going to be teaching her Reiki one at her apartment. Melanie was a little shy about doing it alone and wanted me to join her if it was okay with Joyce. We would have to ask Joyce. At that very moment, I shit you not, (excuse my language) the phone rang and it was Joyce. She told me about the private lesson and asked me to join them. For a love offering. Which is anything you can afford. I have gotten flowers from my students in the past which were great. Anyway, Reiki had come to get me.

The night of the attunement was magical in every sense of the word. We lit candles and incense, dimmed lights and played soft, soothing new age music. Joyce gave us the basic lesson on the history of Reiki and how to do a treatment. Then, she lead us on a guided meditation to allow us to be relaxed when she performed the attunement. Then we each asked our higher self and power to protect us from any negative forces. We sat in a straight back chair took a deep breath and as we let it out she traced the symbols in the air and put them into our auras. I had my eyes closed and kept seeing so many different vibrant colors. My fingers felt immediately cool and my palms burned with an intense, but, pleasant, heat. I felt light headed and like I was being gently pushed to the right. I had to resist falling over. And I was more calm than I had ever been. I felt like I was surrounded by love.

Then we practiced giving treatment on each other. My palms got even warmer and my fingers were still cool. We started by asking our higher power that our actions be used for the good of all and to keep all negativity from entering our work space. We asked to be used as a tool for this healing energy. Then we started laying on of hands. Head down to the feet, we gently placed our palms and would wait for the energy to change then move to the next placement. It was energizing and calming at the same time. To give and receive.

For the next three weeks I had very light symptoms of a detox. Runny nose, gentle diarrhea, headaches. Nothing that was awful. When I did Reiki on myself the symptoms went away. Reiki 1 concentrates on physical cleansing. I did Reiki on my animals and would feel them relax under my touch. The cats would purr and purr. The dog would go to sleep. My insight became sharper. I was more in touch to the world around me. Strangers would seek my company. Children and strange animals wanted to be near me. I could sleep better. Life was better in general.

In May of 1997 I received my Level 2 attunement. Again, we met at Melanie's house. Joyce taught us how to give distance healing. You use something as a focus. A teddy bear, stone, picture of the person anything that reminds you of them. You should always get the persons permission to give treatment. You never intrude into someone's space without knowing that they are okay with it. Then you give the item a Reiki treatment. Again, we had candles, incense, music,dim lights and asked for protection from negativity. Joyce, once again, guided us in meditation, and attuned us. The feelings were similar.

However, Reiki 2 is a emotional cleansing. I cried and cried. For weeks. I remembered things I didn't know had ever bothered me. But, this was so different from my depressions in some way. After I remembered and cried, I felt cleansed and refreshed. And energetic. And I also remembered great things in my life that I hadn't appreciated at the time.

In June of 1997 I had gone to have coffee one morning with another friend, Casey. She and I were talking about Reiki. She had just had her masters attunement was excited to be able to give attunements to people herself. Joyce had encouraged us to get attunements from other masters to expand our knowledge of Reiki. I asked Casey to give me my masters attunement. So, we did all of the candles, incense, music and meditation and attunement. I felt like my very being was exploding into the universe. I felt so big. Like I was a part of everything. She taught me how to attune people. Then, I did my first attunement on Casey. I had never more like I was doing exactly what I had been put to do before. This felt like a life calling to me. I have attuned at least 30 people since that day. I give a lot more attunements than I do treatments. I think I'm supposed to teach, not heal. That night I gave my friend, Kimberly, her master attunement and she re-attuned me . She gave my dog an attunement. It seemed like he was asking for it. You kind of had to be there to understand. Until his death in October 2005, he would give Reiki treatments to someone if they were sick or sad.

My "symptoms" of Reiki 3/masters attunement were that everything fell into place. I had a student that latter told me that she had read somewhere that Reiki 3 takes you by the hand and drags you back to the life path you were supposed to follow. Reiki 3 is a Karmic cleansing. My Reiki 3 attunement was on June 4, 1997. Brett and got together on July 4, 1997. We married two years later.

Simple Zen

2006-01-30T00:57:00.000-06:00

Today I did someting I never do. Bought a poster with a message.
_____________________________________________________________
Simple Zen

One moon shows in every pool,
in every pool, the one moon.

The world is like a mirror, smile,
and your friends smile back.

The obstacle is the path.

If you cannot find the truth right where you are,
where else do you expect to find it?

From the pine tree learn of the pine tree,
and from the bamoo of the bamboo.

If you understand,
things are just as they are;
if you do not understand,
things are
just as they are.
_________________________________________________________________

And, so, there I have to be. I cannot change others lives at my will. You cannot change another's Karma. I have to accept my friends choices while setting boundaries to protect myself. That is so hard for me. I want to make everyone okay, by my definition. And that's not fair nor realistic. I want to grab my friend in rehab and force her to make the right decisions for herself. I am be a pretty screwed person sometimes. Why do I feel that I have any more answers than she does. But, I can love her, help her when I can, pray for her, and accept her for who she is. And that happens to be one hell of a person.

I went to a site today by a recovering heroin addict from the U.K..

http://helpingaddicts.net/indexpage.htm

It is really good. Not only does it give advice on how to get help, it gives advice on nutrition and safe methods while you were still using if you are not ready to make the leap. Staying alive long enough to make the decision to get well. At first I was horrified that it gave such technical advice on how to shot up. Then it dawned on me that education is truly needed to help these people make healthier choices. That is exactly what I do for HIV and AIDS education.

I have no control on where she chooses to go with her life. And just because I love her does not give me the right to dictate her lifestyle. Like it or not. Not her nor anyone else I love. That is going to be hard for me to accept. But, if she does need help, I don't want to have bullied her out of my life.

Goddess,
Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference

The Most Wonderful Present

2006-01-28T09:58:00.000-06:00

The most wonderful present I have received from anyone came from my husband. His family.(I'm not just writing this because you guys read it either!) I come from a very dysfunctional family that always seemed a little like a battleground. But, my husbands family are so warm and good, that it was scary at first. Trusting that love was hard for me. But, through time they treated me like a wild kitten. They have let me be me and have loved me for it.

Three wonderful children that he and his ex share so generously with me. His ex wife has encouraged the kids to call me "Mom". I'm not sure I'd like my kids calling another woman that, and for that reason I love Debbie.
Shawn is 20, almost 21, and is the big brother. He lets his sisters do unbelievable things to him and then he explodes. He is strong and smart and is a hell of a man. I love to talk to him. His insight blows me away.
Christa, his twin, is vivacious and beautiful. She leads with her heart. She is ambitious and cares deeply about wrong and right.
Kara,17, going on 50. Kara wants to experience everything and if that endeavor does not kill her her life will be filled with adventure after adventure. She is like her daddy, an adrenalin junkie. The world is her playground.

My mother in law is a dream come true. She is a great blend of traditional mom and very accomplished in her own right. She is a very talented artist. She has made the most exquisite china dolls I have ever laid eyes on. She writes poetry and is a photographer. Her bird photos take my breath away. She worked in emergency response for years going to many national disasters. She has worked hard to find her inner self. She always seems to say the right thing. Her reply when I told I am HIV+ was "So?" Her son is not HIV+ and I was scared that she would, with good reason, be scared for him to be with me. She just continued to love me. And worried about both us in silence, most of the time. She always has good advice and sometimes take my side in our little arguments! I'm so proud that she is my friend and mother.

His sister also is a great artist working in many mediums. Her life has been so hard over the last few years, I wish I could carry some of her burden. She and I got off to a rocky start. But, unlike my family, we worked on our relationship and she is one of my heroes. In my family we would have never gotten past it. I love her so much. She is funny stubborn and gentle. She is soft spoken and genteel. A true lady. She almost seems like she belongs to a different time. But, she is far too liberated to have lived in most times. Unless she had been a suffragette! Or one of the great women in the French salons during the early last century. She is beautiful. Inside and out.

His brother is so special to me. When I met him he was emerging from a terrible marriage to an abusive alcoholic. He has never seen nor had contact with his son since. His heart was breaking and it would have been easy for him to be a woman hater. He stayed with us for a month before moving back to his parents. My joke at the time was "how many brothers does take to date a me?" Well, I am handful! If my, boyfriend at the time, husband now, was busy his brother would entertain me. We would all go out and have a great time. It broke my heart to see him head out to New York. Then with a persistence and dedication he rebuilt his life one step at a time. Now his very successful and has remarried a wonderful woman and has a daughter and two sons. He is the little brother rascal and family patriarch all at once. I hope he knows how important he is to me.

His wife and I have not had a chance to get to know one another well. She has the most beautiful singing voice I've ever heard. She is a very devoted Christian. I love how she loves my brother in law and I think she is a terrific mother. And when her kids grows up and she has time to breath I look forward to getting to know her better.

And last, but, so far from least, my daddy in law. He is a shy man with a quiet sense of humor. He is an attorney for the Seventh Day Adventist Church and is very busy. He has, in his work in California, changed the face of religious freedom, which has allowed all of us to enjoy a better life. He is a thinker. He does not speak without thinking about what he says. He does not act without thinking. He has devoted his life totally to being the best person he can be. He is an avid nature lover. He loves to go hiking and is a bird lover He and I are as different as night and day. I know he loves me. And to be loved by him is a great honor. Sometimes, I feel as though he is watching me the same way he watches his birds, with awe and curiosity. After every major surgery I've had he has called me to check on me. He is a gentle soul. I'm so glad that my husband was raised by such a man. It has made my life so much easier. My favorite memory of him is when he was sitting in my living room during a visit to Texas. My little black long haired cat, Beltain the namesake of this blog, was sitting on the coffee table in front of him. She wouldn't look at him , but she would gently move the tip of her tail invitingly at him. He reached over and gently took hold it and she would slowly take it from him. They played that game for several minutes. She is such a flirt. And he had the most amused look on his face. He did nothing sudden, he just let her take the lead. Kind of like he did for me. I love how he loves all of the family. Quietly and gently.

I never felt close to my family before. And now I feel the love and inspiration from these great people. Thank you all for teaching me how to be a member of a loving family!

Me

2006-01-26T09:53:00.000-06:00

Well, now to talk about my good points. Why is that so hard? I can brag about my family, kids, husband, cats, and friends all day. (Which, by the way, are all the brightest, greatest beings on earth!) To talk about me is hard. I really like me. But, to toot my own horn, as my mother put it makes me uncomfortable. (for the record she was encouraging me to, not chiding. One of the few good things she did.) It's like, I don't know, sending out a resume or dating.

Anyway, back to me. I am 5"1" and overweight, but I carry it well. I have healthy shiny, slightly wavy, dark brown hair that has been red a good deal of my life. Don't you love chemistry? I love to wear makeup and know how to apply it quite well. I like to make my eyes dark and smoky and my lips dark red, I love beautiful clothes and feel like I have quite a flair. I like silky tops, blue jeans and flowing skirts . Dark teal is my best color. Earrings and rings are part of the favorites in my wardrobe. I tend to find a few pieces that I make my signature. Big and bold and classic seems to draw me more than the subtle. I hate insimpid things. My eyes range from grey to green to blue to teal and look like a stormy sea. They are medium sized and a little deep sunken. My face is pear shaped and my skin is very pale with a rosy touch to the cheeks, nose and chin. My hands look like my daddies and grandma's so I think they are very pretty. Small and graceful. I love to have long fake nails painted dark red. I want to be a bombshell, like Elizabeth Taylor, Rita Hayworth, Clara Bow, or Marilyn Monroe. And my husband assures me that I am. Bless that boy!!

A few of my good personality traits are that I have a good sense of humor, I'm a good listener and friend. I'm compassionate. I intelligent. I'm strong, strong willed, and well spoken. I'm a little too fearless sometimes for my own good. I root for the underdog. I stand up for my convictions. I'm not scared of confrontations. I'm deeply spiritual. I live my beliefs. I'm a bleeding heart liberal democrat and proud of it. However, I do not believe in gun control and happen to shoot very well. I believe in the death penalty and a woman's choice to abortion. I believe that God has a feminine side. I think the Bible was written in a time and place that was hard on women. I think that it was edited by men who were a afraid of the strength women have. I embrace my warrior side and my nurturing side, as I wish all people would .I abhor war. Yet, I would die to defend my rights, home, rights and belief system.

I would have been a good attorney, preacher, or counselor. I was very good at theatre, on stage and backstage. I have a technical mind with an artistic bent. I'm very good at public speaking. I have spoken many times about HIV and AIDS. I was the primary caregiver to my boyfriend who died of AIDS and I'm HIV+. I want to put a face to the disease to make the stereotypes our culture has to this disease disappear. I can organize just about anything except my house. And my house drives me crazy.

I have a good decorating style. Very ecceltic with a strong ethnic touch. I have art nouveau, renaissance, Asian, Mediterranean, middle eastern, African, Tuscan and shabby chic touches here and there. I love strong colors. I can't seem to keep up with the house since my health declined. The dishes and laundry need to be washed. I need to dust and clean the nick nacks. In due time, I suppose. I do want my home to be invititng to my guests. I love to entertain.

I can cook!!! And how. I love to take nothing and make into something yummy. I like to get it done fast and receive the compliments! My pancakes are not good. We all have something that's better to eat out. But, everything else is great. Down home and ethnic of any sort are my specialty.

I love to eat out. I like never having an empty tea glass.

All in all, I like me. If I were some one else, I'd really like to be my friend. Why is it so hard from this side?

2006-01-25T20:16:00.000-06:00

Long nights. A friend of mine is having problems with heroin addiction and we took her to the E.R. last night because she was scared she would hurt herself. I've known her since her young teens and it breaks my heart to see her life come to this. She is smart, beautiful, funny, artistic, and in bad trouble. She has done things to herself and her family that she would have never done if her addiction was not in play. I'm afraid for her because there are so many things in her life that could kill her. And there is not much that anyone can do to help her save herself. My heart breaks for her. A very bad decision that she made when she was 15 or 16 has become the center of her entire being. She loves the drug more than her son, mother or friends or even herself. I wish she knew how beautiful, strong, and brave she is.

2006-01-24T16:02:00.000-06:00

I'm sitting here drinking coffee as my husband sleeps. I love knowing that he is here. I hear his soft breathing and a little snoring from time to time. He works so hard and tries so hard to keep me happy. Living with me can sometimes be hard. I have clinical depression and some days are filled with tears. I have a great therapist and she really helps me deal with the issues, but, fact is I have a chemical imbalance and the bad days come. At this point I'm pretty good at knowing if I'm having depression or if something is really wrong. And ,so, I try to let him know where I'm at on that. He seems to respect that about me. Loving him has made me want to be a better person. He deserves the best. So do I. I think we both did pretty good.

He is the perfect mix of strong and gentle. His training in the military has made him a very competent protector. His raising made him gentle. He will talk about all these weapons and hold a kitten like they are the most precious thing on earth. I feel so beautiful in his arms and when I think of his love for me. And that helps make me feel beautiful all the time. I like how his friends talk to me. I can tell that he speaks well of me when I'm not there. He is proud that I'm his. I'm proud that he is mine.

He is fine. I mean G.Q. male model fine. Tall dark and handsome. Brave and Strong. Smart and funny. Hardworking and respectful. The perfect blend of strength and gentleness. The whole package. He totally respects me and all I want to do. He is as close to perfect as any man I've ever seen. And he is a great lover. But, that is on the brink of too much information. He has just enough faults to keep him from being scary perfect. You know, Lifetime movie, scary. He is my knight in shining armor. And, I love him.

Alone with the cats

2006-01-24T00:14:00.000-06:00

I'm sitting here wondering what the hell I'm doing. The cats are sleeping or trying to walk on the keys. My husband is working all night and I'm smoking too much. Coffee would be great, but, I would never get to sleep.

The weather is cold right now, today was beautiful. The was shining and our cabin felt warm. The trees blew gently and I was happily inside as my husband slept and the cats played. I made a venison chili. I never wanted to be a pioneer wife. I hate venison. The chili was really good. The perks of my husband working at a sporting goods store is a lot of free game. I've made wild hog pulled pork, venison burgers and so many venison roasts I could write a book. It screams against my inner tree hugger. But, free is free. And eating is always better than going hungry

I wanted to be a professional stage manager on Broadway. Funny how your life turns out. I would never have guessed this is where I would end up. And I'm so happy. My forties have been hard health wise but he has been right there, loving me through it all. It's so nice to find true love.