Minnie

Minnie the Mermaid. A song of questionable respectability sung to me in my childhood by my sailor parents. Both parents spent years in the Navy. And, yet, I wonder at my odd ways.

"Many a night spent with Minnie the mermaid down at the bottom of the sea. Minnie lost her morals down among the corals, oh, what a gal was she..." ( it just gets worse)

So, I had decided that I must have a little companion dog. After the hysterectomy my, normally silent, biological clock stared ticking. My brain and aching body knew we didn't want a baby. So, I decided on a dog. And the search began.

Day after day I searched the news paper. No small puppies. And my big dog had just died and I couldn't go there right now. I told all my friends. Then I did the internet search. And there she was. A matted little black dog named Minnie in a town about 75 miles away. She was to become my baby.

I've had her now almost a month. She has been groomed and more spoiled than is imaginable. He calls her baby. He has always called little dogs footballs. He wanted her to sleep in the crate. She sleeps between us. She greets him with such joy and is so calm and dainty that he has fallen in love with her. She is our little clown. The cats beat her up, or ignore her. She follows my every step and is very protective of me.

She had been found on the street. She had to be covered with a blanket to go outside to keep her from biting them. Hard to imagine that little friendly creature being that frightened and alone. She is totally house trained and loves people food. Her only fault is her begging. And she is getting progressively better about that.

I got her a pink rhinestone collar. I tried to paint her toenails and put ribbons in her hair. She didn't agree with me on those items. She won. It's her body, she can win on that. Today I gave her the first home bath. Not great, but I won that one. I love her and she answered my baby needs.

You Are Mint Chocolate Chip Ice Cream

Creative. Expressive. Unique.

What Flavor Ice Cream Are You?

Fibromyalgia=Hell

My fibromyalgia is acting up. Pain lets me know that I'm alive. I guess. My wrist hurts, my arms hurt, my shoulders hurt, my back hurts, my brain is foggy, my leg hurts, my soul hurts. I want to be active again. I want to feel twenty again. I do not, however, want to be twenty again. That was it's own kind of hell. I want to feel sexy again. I want to not have scars all over my abdomen again. Okay, so the surgeries have made my life better and even saved my life. That's great. My stomach still looks like a battle ground. One scar from my breast bone to my pelvic bone from the colonectomy and colostomy reversal, one scar on my right side from the colostomy, one scar in my bikini area from the tubal ligation and hysterectomy. I look like a mother cat with six teats ready to nurse.

My depression is raising it's ugly head. I've tried not to write about that here. But, this about my life and depression is a part of my life. So is anxiety. I feel overwhelmed and overthrown sometimes. And I can make up all kinds of things that would cure both, but the fact is I have a chemical imbalance that makes me feel so sad and scared. I still wish for more money, a better house, a better body, a better car, and, well, you know, things you wish for when you're depressed.

My cats, my husband, my family, and my friends make me happy. Art makes me happy.

You Should Be a Joke Writer

You're totally hilarious, and you can find the humor in any situation. Whether you're spouting off zingers, comebacks, or jokes about life... You usually can keep a crowd laughing, and you have plenty of material. You have the makings of a great comedian - or comedic writer.

What Type of Writer Should You Be?

You Are Emerald Green

Deep and mysterious, it often seems like no one truly gets you. Inside, you are very emotional and moody - though you don't let it show. People usually have a strong reaction to you... profound love or deep hate. But you can even get those who hate you to come around. There's something naturally harmonious about you.

What Color Green Are You?

Beignets!

Beignets are the wonderful little doughnuts they serve in New Orleans with chicory cafe au lait. Yum! Delicious little fried squares of yeast dough sprinkled with tons of powdered sugar. I love to sit on the patio of Cafe Du Monde in New Orleans and watch the world go by. The birds steal the left oversaw from the empty tables. So do the kids:) The music plays all over the quarter and people are everywhere.
Well, for Mardi Gras this year I found a great recipe for beignets and decided to share. It's easier with a bread machine.

1 cup warm milk(100 or 105 degrees)
1 pkg dry yeast
1/4 cup sugar
2 medium eggs
1/4 cup melted butter
1 teaspoon salt
3 cups all purpose flour
Powdered sugar

dump all except powdered sugar into machine press dough button when it beeps at you roll out into 12 inch square and cut into 4 equal strips. Cut each strip into 6 equal squares.

Fry in deep hot (350 degrees) oil (I use peanut oil in a cast iron skillet of course.) until golden brown. Flip. This all happens really fast. Roll immediately in the powdered sugar. Eat.

I never said that this was a healthy recipe. But, sometimes, that which is good for the soul is not for the body. Eat healthy the rest of the week.

Old Love

DB. How many nights have I sat and cried over that man? How many nights have I stayed up too late talking to him? He was my first grown up love. I use the word grown up very cautiously. I was a blithering idiot and he was patient. I was 19 and he was 35. He had been one of my older brother's high school buddies and if anyone had treated me the way I treated him I would have filed stalking charges on them. I know he reads this and I hope I don't make him feel too strange. His very existence made my world turn. I couldn't think about anything else. He helped me become some one I'm proud to be. He helped me find me. I was such a drama queen when I first met him. I just want to hide my head when I think of it.

He was my guru. Don't think he had any aspirations to be anyone's guru. Poor man. He is still one of the most talented theatre techs I have ever worked with. And there have been a whole lot of theatre techs in my life. I was sooooo bad at theatre and his inspiration helped me excel in that field. I became sought after in a world that it is hard to make it in. After I moved away from him, many times I would be baffled about what to do next and I would try what I thought he would do and it would almost always work and my reputation became very good in theatre. I became very good at doing theatre.

In my life, his example has seen me through many hard times. He was in Vietnam and his warrior spirit and strength gave me courage to muddle through some of the hardest things I have dealt with. Like having to let another man I loved die of AIDS. My father, my husband and DB have taught me of courage. My wars have been on the home front and theirs were on foreign soil. Mine have been so much easier than theirs, but, my pride of having them in my life has allowed me to see that the impossible is possible if you just do it.

He believes much the same way I do. His acceptance in my beliefs has given me the confidence to go on and teach others a different path that seems to fit many people better than old school Christian beliefs. He has lead me to feel like maybe I taught him too sometimes.

He is different than family. More than just a friend. More than just an old lover. More than just a teacher. The depth of feeling I still have for him amazes me. I love my husband and am exactly where I want to be. He loves his wife and son and is exactly where he wants to be. But, when I get to sit, talk with him, and drink coffee with him, I touch a part of me that no one else can get to. I'm so lucky that my husband is totally comfortable with that. You see, he loves me and who I am now. And he is fully aware that DB has been a huge part of me becoming that. When DB comes around I renew that part of me. And Brett loves that. Now, how cool is that? I love to see them talk about their time in the military and war. I like that they enjoy each others company. I feel so lucky to have chosen such wonderful men to love in my life. I have great taste.

When I close my eyes I can still feel DB psychically. I would go to the ends of the earth to help him. I would never trade the impact he has had on who I am. I still love him deeply. I'm not in love with him anymore. But, I still love having him in my life. And all the tears and sleepless nights finding me through wanting him has been so worth every tear I shed to become me. The fire I went through because of him has tempered me and made me a stronger person.